September 05, 2018

The Friend(s) You Lose Once You Have A Family





I have been meaning to bring this topic up for a while now because it has become my life. I always knew some way some how this would be what it came to (just from previous issues) but I fought hard not to let it consume what I thought was a friendship.

Here's My Story 

You know, some new moms or established moms say goodbye to their single friends or their old life and focus on family and family only. That was not me....at all. I knew I could juggle being a friend and all that entailed and being a mom and I did it very well I know I did, however that was not enough. I would spend more time going out to family friendly events and non family events with my friend (we'll call her Sabrina)  more than my boyfriend (BF). Because I knew that I did not want her to feel like I had forgotten about her, I mean come on I had known her for 13+ years, so her feelings were took into consideration  ( I also have known my BF for 13+ years as we dated in High School).

She loved hanging out with me and the kids so we would always go out to lunch, kid friendly activities the whole nine. Outings that I should of been doing with my BF I was doing with her. Fast forward to being pregnant with my third I could tell something was off. Me and my BF had moved into a place that was only a 3min walk to Sabrina's house. I was happy about it and it was near  my job, the kids school and my BF's job as well. So, so far so good! Right.....?

Now as some know being pregnant makes you SLEEP! I always say, pregnancy sleep is the best sleep. So sometimes she would call and I would be sleep but would call her back once I saw her missed call/text. I was still working all day up until the last week before having the baby so I would be exhausted, she knew this. I can only assume she thought I was ignoring her for my BF because when I would call her back she would not answer. I would text her or message her on Facebook and again she would not respond. I noticed she only did that on days she knew my BF was home from work. She would think that I was ignoring her for him. When actually I was sleep, but if I were ignoring her to spend time with my family...BIG FUCKING DEAL. Mind you we talked everyday for majority of the day, rather it be texting or talking on the phone. Yet when she was upset because she thought I was ignoring her for my BF that is when she would get mad and ignore me for months. Then randomly she would contact me like nothing happened. This happened about 4 more times and that was when I finally said enough is enough.

We are grown (she is 30 I am 29) if there is an issue please speak up! When she is with her guy and ignores my call, I just say hey call me when you have time, I don't get upset. Single friends think that once their friends start to have a family of their own that its good-bye to everyone else and that is far from it. Some people over think it like in my case.

However I am glad this happened because it has allowed me to focus on myself and my family. I have never been happier (literally). It has also made me aware of the type of friends I want around me. Because I despise people who no longer deal with your kids once they no longer deal with you. Or find any reason to get upset. I can't live like that. I use to always walk on eggshells with her because I didn't want to make her mad or have her stop talking to me...that was in high school and college. We are GROWN now. I can't and will not live like that. It is ok that we have to different lives going on but to get mad at the other for living life...not ok.

I always say, if you would not deal with shit in a relationship don't deal with it in a friendship! Mom's go through enough so if you can't be our support system rather than a burden...just give each other space.




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